Leaders' emphases is upon controlling themselves which helps others to control themselves. The mannerisms of leaders include listening without interrupting, asking clarifying questions, seeking agreement of understanding, using descriptive words to define issues instead of the person, are resilient and agreeable when seeking agreement, accepting of modifications for mutual benefit and never make an issue personal. The likelihood of problem solving is enhanced as the causes of problems can be examined instead of dwelling on the symptoms. A resolution that achieves some improvements can then be revisited so nothing is done out of haste.

Non-leaders attempt to control others while at the same time being out of control themselves. The activities they engage in include talking over another rather than listening, seeking to force an opinion, using words to define the person rather than the issue, are rigid and unyielding, will not easily consider any position other than his or her own and maneuver to not agree unless all conditions are met on his or her terms and make issues a personal matters. Problem solving does not occur as the underlying problem is avoided in favor of attacking symptoms. Nothing gets resolved. Without some resolution the existing problem worsens as the symptoms will indicate.